


Some Dreaming State

by shitdamnhell (orphan_account)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Dream Sharing, Finn Organa, Fluff, Force Ghosts, Force-Sensitive Finn, Jedi Finn, Leia is space mom, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, dubious understanding of how the Force works, i literally don't know what to tag, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9669911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/shitdamnhell
Summary: When he wakes up again, Finn knows some time has passed. He thrashes within his own mind, desperate to open his eyes and actually be a part of the world around him and terrified that he’s doomed to remain trapped in the dark forever. When the thoughts just begin to overwhelm him the sound of approaching footsteps distracts Finn. The feeling of sunshine precedes Poe’s voice.“Still not awake yet, huh, buddy?”I am awake! He wants to scream, I’m here, I’m right here, can’t you tell?





	

**Author's Note:**

> \- rated teen because of swearing. idk seemed like the thing to do -
> 
> HI FRIENDS
> 
> please be gentle with me because this is my first Star Wars fic & i'm actually really fond of this one
> 
> I got all my info from watching TFA too many times & from wookiepedia when that didn't cut it, so don't bank on too much accuracy on the Star Wars universe as a whole
> 
> hope you like it :)

///

It’s the quiet, Finn thinks, that tells him something’s off. Silence isn’t something he ever learned to navigate before.

Even when he was on the Starkiller base or even the  _ Finalizer _ , there was always plenty of noise. Whether it was the sound of his fellow troopers marching in time or the clash of bodies during training, their steady breathing in the bunks surrounding his at night, FN-2187 was always surrounded by endless sound. It was regulated, stilted,  _ suffocating, _ but it was there.

The noise still followed him when he pulled the Resistance’s best pilot out of that interrogation room, though it changed. What once was rhythmic like a heartbeat was now a cacophony of sounds; gleeful shouting and blaster fire, adrenaline and exhilaration, explosions and the sound of  _ Finn.  _

Finn was born in the chaotic noise of a TIE-fighter's destruction, leaving FN-2187’s ashes in the sands of Jakku. 

(And now Finn wonders if he’ll die in this silence.) 

He feels panic flood him as memories of Starkiller rise: the biting cold, the blank mask of Phasma’s helmet, Han run through by his son’s blade, Rey screaming then lying unmoving in the snow, the power of a lightsaber in his hand. He remembers the  _ agony _ that Ren tore across his spine before everything went dark. 

///

Whatever state of being Finn has found himself trapped in, it’s confounding. It’s dark and empty and nebulous with only Finn occupying the space. He’s aware of himself in a vague sort of way: he knows that he’s  _ Finn _ , that he was a stormtrooper but now he’s a  _ person _ , yet he can’t actually feel his body or anything around him. (Does he even have a body? Is he even  _ real? _ )

He doesn’t understand how this place of not-being works, though he decides to trust whatever instinct is telling Finn he’s safe.

///

Suddenly, the remembered fire ignites along his back and with it comes an awareness he didn’t fully realize was missing. It takes effort, but eventually he’s able to push the pain aside and take stock of himself.

Finn can feel his body now, every ache and pain in stark relief against the prior numbness. It’s...oddly satisfying. He doesn’t enjoy the pain, not by any means, but at least now Finn knows for a fact that he’s alive _.  _ A moment passes while Finn lets the emotion run through him alongside the hurt, then he mentally shakes himself and tries to focus on the world outside of his body.

The sound of medical equipment whirring in the background can be heard if he strains, but nothing else is apparent. Truly, it’s all the confirmation Finn needs: he’s with the Resistance. The First Order wouldn’t bother wasting their resources to keep him alive; instead they’d prefer to shoot him an shove his body out an airlock just to finally be done with him. 

Thoughts of the First Order sends Finn into an immediate panic, his heart thudding in time with the rapid beeping from the machines at his side. 

_ Where is Rey? Poe? Are they alive? Did I lose them too? _

He feels a pinch in the crook of his elbow, and everything fades away.

/// 

There’s the feeling of...an echo, for a lack of a better word, in the air around Finn when he floats back to consciousness. It’s faded, just the afterimage in his eyes, but Finn gets the feeling of something bright and strong, a bolt of lightning that’s as powerful as it is beautiful. It’s Rey, undoubtedly. Finn doesn’t understand how, but he knows that Rey was at his side not too long ago, and she was unharmed.

Where Rey is lightning, Finn knows the phantom sensation of sunlight dancing on his skin is Poe _.  _ The pilot is nearby, filling the room with so much light Finn wonders how it hasn’t bled into the dark under his eyelids yet.

“She’ll be back soon,” Poe’s voice is low, as if he’s afraid to disturb the quiet between them but still wanting to reassure Finn. “She’s just gotta go find Skywalker, buddy, then she’ll come back.”

Tension leaves Finn so quickly he’s nearly dizzy with it. Before he can try to reply, to thank Poe for not leaving him alone, to tell him he’s so happy Poe’s  _ alive, _ Finn slips away once more.

///

When he wakes up again, Finn knows some time has passed. He thrashes within his own mind, desperate to open his eyes and actually be a part of the world around him and terrified that he’s doomed to remain trapped in the dark forever. When the thoughts just begin to overwhelm him the sound of approaching footsteps distracts Finn. The feeling of sunshine precedes Poe’s voice.

“Still not awake yet, huh, buddy?” 

_ I  _ am _ awake!  _ He wants to scream,  _ I’m here, I’m right here, can’t you tell? _

A chair scrapes across the floor and creaks slightly as Poe drops himself into it with a sigh. “Well, it’s only been a few days, but I guess I was just overly optimistic, huh?” Poe’s quiet for a moment as if he’s waiting for Finn to respond. When there’s nothing but silence again, Poe chuckles softly. “No worries, you’ve gotta rest to heal, and you’ve got a lot of healing ahead of you. Besides, this gives me a chance to share all of my feats as the best pilot in the Resistance. Maybe I’ll impress you so much you’ll wake up.”

Finn hears Poe smile around his words. Finn hears how it’s forced. 

He listens with everything he has, though, wanting to believe that if he focuses enough on Poe’s stories he could get himself to open his eyes. 

///

Days pass like this; Finn trapped in his state of awake-but-not-truly while Poe tells him story after ridiculous story about his time with the Resistance, all while Finn listens and feels his strength slowly build. It’s not enough to pull him fully into consciousness, not in the slightest, but Finn discovers he’s able to listen a little longer each day.

Even with Poe sitting at his bedside for hours and hours, Finn feels the loneliness creep inside him. He wants to talk  _ back _ to Poe, to laugh with him and share his own stories (though he knows he doesn’t have as many light-hearted ones as his friend), and he wants to reach out to hold Poe’s hand in his own. 

He wants to know that this is  _ real, _ that it’s not just some dream conjured up by Finn’s own mind.

///

A day after Poe tells Finn that he has to leave for a short while, there’s a new presence in his little room in the medbay. Instead of the sunshine he’s come to associate with the pilot Finn’s mind shows him stone pillars, strong and solid even as they climb tirelessly into the sky. 

“Poe’s off on a supply run for me,” General Organa begins with little fanfare, “But he asked that I made sure you had some company while he was away. Flyboy’s been here nearly everyday that you have and figures you got used to having someone at your side.” She huffs a little laugh, though it’s clearly fond and what Finn would dare to call maternal. “Now, normally I would send one of his friends in his place, but between you and me? I’m a little sick of everyone at the moment. I need some peace and quiet. You won’t mind if I get some paperwork done while I’m here, will you?”

Obviously not needing to wait for a real answer, the General takes the chair at Finn’s bedside and begins to work in silence. Finn relaxes and feels nearly giddy with relief. There’s no  _ way _ his mind would conjure up the General of all people to sit with him.  _ This is real, _ Finn assures himself,  _ it’s all real. _

(He still wants to escape his own mind, still wants to reach out and  _ feel something, _ but he’ll take what he can get.)

Slowly, the tension the General brought with her into the room eases from the air as she works, sometimes grumbling to herself from about  _ that brilliant idiot _ or  _ who’s the nerf-herder behind this idea? _ He knows that if he could, he’d be smiling wildly at the moment.

The amusement fades quickly when he feels the sadness and loss the General wears around her shoulders like a cloak, as buried as it is beneath her other emotions. Finn wants to tell her that he’s  _ so _ sorry about Han, that he should have tried harder to help the older man, that it was his fault for dragging Han there under false pretenses because Finn was too caught up in wanting to save Rey that he didn’t think of anyone else. The guilt claws its way up his throat and Finn pictures himself reaching for the General’s hand, earnest and gentle like she had reached for him when they first met. 

So trapped in his own failings, he almost doesn’t notice the General’s tension spike. 

“Finn?” She seems wary, but Finn can’t fathom why. Abruptly, he feels something both foreign and familiar prod at his mind, curious though not intrusive. He recoils for half a moment before cautiously poking back, desperate for any kind of connection he can find.

He jolts internally as the feelings of disbelief and delight echo back to Finn, each radiating from the General at his side. 

“Well,” she chuckles, “This is definitely a surprise.” Finn hears the shuffling of fabric as she stands, then feels the distant impression of the General’s hand passing gently over his forehead. “When you get your strength up come and find me, Finn. We’ll have plenty to discuss.”

Finn’s slipping back to unconsciousness before he can even try to reach her again.

///

The next time Finn wakes up he knows that  _ much _ more time has passed, but what’s more important is that he can actually  _ see.  _ His joy is cut short when he realizes that he’s  _ not _ the medbay but rather the hangar for all the X-wings, standing in the center of all the commotion. He looks down at himself and yelps in surprise when he can  _ see through his body. _

“What the hell?!”

Finn tries not to panic, but it’s a lost cause. Is he dead? Why does he look blue? Is he a kriffing _ghost!?_ It’s the only explanation that makes any amount of sense. He’s on the verge of feeling his heart break completely _(he’ll never see Rey again, never see Poe)_ when he hears a familiar laugh behind him. He spins wildly on his heel and begins to push through the crowd--ignoring the way he just passes through people like mist--and chases after the sound. 

He freezes when he sees Poe sitting under a wing of  _ Black One _ with BB-8 at his front, listening to whatever the excitable droid is saying with plenty of loud beeps and whirrs. He has a mess of leather in his lap that Finn quickly recognizes as his--Poe’s?--jacket. It looks like he’s trying to mend it.

“I don’t think you can call Finn ‘Jacket-Thief’ anymore since I  _ gave  _ it to him, BB,” the man shakes his head fondly at his droid. BB-8 beeps in a way that Finn understands as a sigh. “But I’m sure he’ll let you give him another nickname,” Poe rolls his eyes and focuses back on the jacket. 

Finn pulls himself from his stupor and stumbles to his knees at his friend’s side. His voice is thick with anxiety and desperation as he speaks. “Poe, what the kriff is going on? What’s  _ happening _ to me?”

Poe doesn’t seem to hear him, though, he just continues to sew a patch of dark red leather over the hole that Kylo Ren’s saber put through the right shoulder. Finn chokes on a sob and tries again.

“Poe? Poe, I need you to hear me! I need some help!” 

He starts to feel exhaustion creep through his mind, but pushes it down as hard as he can even though he knows it’s futile. His throat is tight with panic and Finn  _ needs _ Poe to see him, hear him,  _ anything, _ before he fades away completely. He doesn’t know if he’ll wake up again.

Finn reaches out with a translucent hand to grab at the pilot’s shoulder and chokes on another cry when it passes through him like smoke. 

But just before he slips back under, Finn sees Poe startle and look around, curious and unsettled.

///

The pattern continues for days. Finn wakes near Poe, attempts to get his attention and fails every time, then fades away into darkness again. 

He can’t feel the wetness on his cheeks, but Finn still knows that he’s cried more in this week than he ever has in his life. 

Finn thought he’d felt helpless before, as a nameless and faceless soldier of the First Order, but he truly didn’t understand the meaning of the word until now.

\\\\\

Everything seems softer when his eyes open again, almost gentle, and Finn realizes that he must be dreaming.

There’s an ocean scattered with islands and he hears Rey’s laugh, but the sound is distant, too far away. 

Before he can call to her the scene changes: he’s somewhere he’s never seen before, another green and blue planet with tall mountains stretching across the horizon. Finn feels an immense loss as he looks at it, old and new heartbreak colliding all at once. He shies away quickly.

Suddenly the planet is gone and he’s flying, moving faster and faster and  _ faster  _ until the stars streak across his vision, blurring into one another in hyperspace and he hears Poe shouting with delight at his side. Finn lets the emotion pour over him as he looks to his friend, feels his mouth stretch into a grin to match Poe’s.  _ Glad you could make it, buddy, _ his expression seems to say. Finn throws his head back and laughs, takes Poe’s hand in his own.

_ I’m glad to be here, _ Finn thinks, somehow knowing his friend can hear it.

///

When he wakes, Finn finds himself staring down at his own body in the medbay. 

“That’s not disturbing at all,” he mutters to himself. He allows the annoyance of having to leave his dream fill him up completely. Anything to escape the exhaustion from the confusion and grief that’s been consuming him lately. 

The phantom sensation of sunlight on his face thankfully distracts Finn from himself, preceding Poe’s entrance by a moment. 

“Buddy!” his grin is wide and genuine, and his enthusiasm doesn’t seem tempered by the fact that Finn can’t respond. At least, not in a way Poe can hear.

“Hey, Poe,” Finn replies anyways. Defeat settles around his shoulders like a burden, yet he can’t find it in him to care. He knows now that it’s useless to try to reach Poe; Fate’s decided to trap Finn inside of himself with no chance of escape.

At least he gets to see his friend.

Poe drops into the ever-present chair and kicks his feet up onto Finn’s bed, “Sorry it’s been a couple of days, had to help get everyone settled, you know? Too much to do and too few people to do it and a brand new base for everyone to break in.”

Finn looks around and notices that this, in fact, isn’t the same medbay from D’Qar. He shrugs, realizing they must have moved base while he was dreaming. It makes sense that the Resistance moved. Even if the First Order was as crippled as Poe had said it was, D’Qar was still too much of a target for them to remain there for long.

He listens idly as Poe begins to chatter away at Finn, just as he did whenever he visited the medbay. Instead sharing his usual stories about life as a pilot, however, Poe begins telling stories about growing up on Yavin IV. 

Finn lets his eyes close as the words fill the space between them and tries to paint a picture in his mind of the jungle-covered moon, imagining a younger Poe Dameron with the same curly hair darting through the trees, happy and free. 

\\\\\

He’s walking around the trunk of a tree, unhurried, simply enjoying the feeling of smooth bark under his fingertips, when a voice calls out to him.

“Finn? What’re you doing here?”

He turns to see Poe standing in the doorway of what he intrinsically knows is his friend’s childhood home, something like wonder and delight on his face. He looks younger, just how Finn would imagine he looked before he joined the Republic’s fleet long before his time with the Resistance. There’s pain and sorrow in Poe’s eyes that doesn’t match his youthful face, and Finn realizes that despite his appearances, this Poe is still the same man Finn knows. 

“I’m here to see you,” the words come without thought, yet Finn knows that they’re true. He doesn’t startle when Poe is suddenly at his side  _ (he’s dreaming, he knows this now) _ and takes his hand.

“Yeah?” There’s the slightest dusting of pink on the pilot’s cheeks, but Finn doesn’t draw attention to it. “Good. I’ve missed you.”

Finn ignores the way heat floods his own face at Poe’s earnestness. Instead of replying he squeezes the hand held in his own and hopes that it’s enough of a response. He doesn’t know what to say that’ll keep the fragile moment between them from breaking.

Poe seems to understand. He smiles shyly and presses a quick kiss to Finn’s cheek. Before Finn can even begin to process  _ that, _ his friend begins tugging him away from the shade of the tree and back toward the house.

“Come on, my Dad’s home. I want you to meet him.” 

Unable to do anything besides smile goofily at Poe, Finn follows.

///

Things begin to even out after that dream. Instead of time leaping forward and leaving Finn reeling and missing days, it becomes linear. When Finn’s ‘awake’ he follows Poe around the new base (haunting him like the ghost thinks he must be), watching his friend work on his ship, spend time with his fellow pilots, or talking to Finn’s unconscious body in the medbay. When Finn succumbs to his exhaustion--though it takes longer as he feels himself somehow getting stronger day by day--he finds himself dreaming. 

\\\\\

“Where are we?” The music is deafening and the fact that his voice can be heard at all is a minor miracle.

Poe smiles over his shoulder as he pulls Finn through the crowd. “Does it matter?” 

Finn grins widely and shakes his head, “Not really, no.”

They weave around what feels like dozens upon dozens of beings dancing around them, laughing as they get jostled at every turn though their hands stay firmly clasped together. 

Poe stops so quickly that Finn can’t help but to run into his friend’s back. Before he can ask what’s wrong, Poe turns and places his hands on Finn’s shoulders.

“Dance with me?”

Without wasting a moment Finn steps into his space and wraps his arms around Poe’s waist  then begins to sway like everyone else around them. He feels a little foolish and a lot awkward, but with Poe smiling at Finn like he never has before, he can’t find it in himself to care.

The music grows louder and louder though Finn couldn’t describe the sound even if he had tried. All of his focus is on the way he and Poe are tangled together, how they’re pressed from head to toe and sharing almost every breath. There’s static dancing along Finn’s nerves, sending bolts of a feeling he doesn’t quite understand racing over his skin each time Poe seems to get impossibly closer and  _ closer, _ even though he still doesn’t feel close enough. Poe will  _ never  _ be close enough.

The smallest dip of Finn’s head has his lips pressed against Poe’s, and the kiss is indescribable.

His heart soars, the galaxy stops spinning. 

Finn feels sunlight on his skin.

\\\\\

Poe takes him flying again, soaring low enough over the surface of some unknown lake that water sprays up around the windshield. He takes them to planets that Finn’s never seen, some with nothing but mountains and others filled with hardly anything but grassy plains and others with everything in between.

Finn’s inordinately pleased they never seem to stop by Jakku, and judging by the glint in Poe’s eye, he’s not being subtle about it. 

He doesn’t think too much about why his mind is creating new places for Finn to dream of, though he’s glad for it. Finn’s memories from before the Jakku don’t hold anything pleasant and it may be silly, but he doesn’t want Poe to witness any of his past trauma--even if Poe’s just a figment of his own imagination.

///

Finn’s watching Poe make some repairs under his X-wing when he takes a moment to think on his dreams.

He doesn’t know if it’s just due to their newfound proximity while Finn’s awake, one-sided as it may be, but he finds himself dreaming of Poe more often than not. Sometimes they sit under the immense tree in Poe’s backyard and just relax _ , _ letting the comfortable silence build around them whenever they tire of conversation. Finn was curious in the beginning about how his mind came up with so many stories for Poe to tell each night before he realized that his mind must be taking cues from the  _ real _ stories Poe tells Finn’s sleeping self in the medbay. It’s disappointing that none of it’s true, but Finn’s long learned to cope. Instead he focuses on how most of the time they’re flying in Poe’s X-wing, laughing together as they explore the galaxy.

(Other times there’s gentle kisses pressed to cheeks and to lips, though Finn tries not to focus on them. _They’re just_ _dreams_ , he reminds himself, because it’s better if he doesn’t get his hopes up over something that isn’t real.)

Their time together was more peaceful than Finn had dared to imagine. Between them both Finn knows that they’ve experienced enough horrors to fuel an untold amount of nightmares. He pushes the thought away every time it made itself known, unwilling to jinx his luck.

Finn will sometimes catch faint impressions of Rey though she’s never close enough to see properly. He tells himself not to worry because he knows that in either his dreams or in the waking world she can take care of herself no matter what’s thrown her way. Whenever he can hear her laugh, strangely always over the sound of waves crashing on rocks, Finn smiles.

He still see glimpses of the world with the mountains from his first dream, and he still shies away from it and the grief it causes whenever he can. It’s too overwhelming for Finn. Perhaps that makes him weak, but he can’t find it in himself to care. 

///

It’s not until he’s watching Poe’s ship disappear into the sky (just a recon mission, Finn reassures himself, he’ll be  _ fine,  _ it’s just two weeks) that he suddenly remembers the General’s words from her one and only visit back on D’Qar _.  _

_ When you get your strength up come and find me, Finn. We’ll have plenty to discuss. _

Between one blink and the next, Finn’s standing in front of a bookshelf in a room he’s never seen before. He staggers a little, unused to the abrupt change in scenery. He had no idea he could move like that. 

“Learn something new everyday,” he muses aloud. Finn yelps when there’s a snort of amusement from behind him. He whirls around to see General Organa seated behind a tidy desk.

“I’d wondered when you’d show yourself,” she doesn’t bother to look up from the datapad she’s leaning over, but Finn can see the smile in the corner of her mouth.

Finn, dumbly, looks around the office he’d found himself in. When he realizes it’s just him and the General he can’t help but to blurt, “You can see me!?”

This time she looks up, her grin more pronounced. “Yes, I can. I can hear you too. I wanted to speak to you before now, but you were determined to remain at Poe’s side and I figured that my best pilot may have been concerned if I began to speak with someone he couldn’t see.”

Finn gapes at her, knowing that the anger building a flame behind his ribs must show on his face  _ (why didn’t she help? Didn’t she know how terrified he was?!) _ because the General quickly douses the fire with a sharp look.

“You had latched onto Poe,” she tells him, sharply though not unkindly, “I wouldn’t have been able to interfere even if I had wanted to, Finn. You needed to build your strength before you could step away from him, which brings us to now.”

He ducks his head, sheepish, feeling as if he may have done something wrong and should apologize for it yet still too confused about the entire situation to push the words past his lips. He chances a look at the General and watches her expression soften. Finn isn’t entirely sure what it means, but he thinks that he may have been forgiven. Still not knowing what to say, he keeps quiet until the General tells him otherwise.

She must understand that he’s waiting for directions because she rolls her eyes and points at the chair opposite her desk. “Sit,” she orders. 

He eyes the chair dubiously. From what he’d experienced these past couple of weeks, Finn knew he wasn’t solid like the rest of the world was, so he never tried to use chairs or anything else. Despite his hesitance, Finn moves to the chair on autopilot. Apparently his First Order training is too innate to ignore a direct order from a superior officer, no matter how much time he’s spent alone as this sort-of-ghost.

He looks up with surprise when he finds himself sitting easily in the chair. Finn can’t  _ feel _ it, of course, but since he wasn’t falling through to the floor he figured it was good enough.The General’s gaze was kind, if a little amused, when Finn met her eyes once again. 

“I assume you have some questions?” 

He runs his hand down his face with a dry chuckle. “I have  _ so many _ , General, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“First, let’s start with you calling me Leia,” she raises her hand to stop his immediate protest, “If I’m the only person on this base who can interact with you, I think that can grant you some level of familiarity, don’t you?”

He nods, though his discomfort is no small thing. If FN-2187 had dared to call Phasma or Hux by anything other than  _ Captain _ or  _ General, _ he’d be reconditioned faster than he could blink. 

But this isn’t the First Order, he reminds himself, they don’t recondition soldiers here.

The Gen-- _ Leia _ searches his face for a moment, for what, he doesn’t know, then nods at whatever she finds and smiles. “So, what do you want to know first?”

“Am I dying?” The words leave his mouth so fast it’s a wonder Leia can understand them. 

“No,” the vehemence with which Leia responds soothes Finn, and he sags back into his chair in relief. “You’re healing, Finn, better than what anyone expected from someone with your injuries.”

He looks down at his right hand, which is resting partway through the arm of the chair, and sighs. “But I’m not  _ healed." _

Leia purses her lips. “I’m afraid not. You’re on the mend, though it appears as if the First Order had left some nasty surprises for you.” When Finn just raises an eyebrow in question, she continues. “Your blood was filled with a whole cocktail of stimulants and suppressants--many of which were  _ unheard _ of, by the way--that we’re frankly astounded you hadn’t been poisoned by it all. The medics are trying to wean you off them, Finn, while also trying not to hinder your ability to heal. It’s a delicate and prolonged process, but we have reason to believe that you would still be unconscious even without the drugs. You  _ did _ take a lightsaber to your back, which is no small thing.”

Letting the information ease into his mind, Finn remains silent for a few minutes. He’s not dead and/or dying, which is great, and he’s apparently getting the last of the First Order’s filth washed out of him, also great, but that leaves him with a burning question.

“So what the hell is happening to me?” He waves his blue tinted hands around for emphasis, scowling at how translucent they are. 

Leia’s eyes sparkle with glee, and for a moment Finn sees a much younger general in her place: her hair in buns on the side of her head and a blaster held confidently at her side, but the same exact mischief in her eyes. He shakes the image from his mind as she leans forward, resting her chin on her folded hands. 

“Tell me, Finn, what do you know about the Force?”

_ Oh, kriff. _

\\\\\

Finn has Poe’s hand gripped tightly in his own, his focus on the shimmering water nearly forty feet below.

“You go cliff jumping--for  _ fun?!” _

Poe’s laugh is infectious and Finn feels some of his nerves leave him in response. “Yeah, buddy, if I have the chance. Closest I’ll ever get to flying outside an X-wing.”

Finn grumbles under his breath about hot-shot adrenaline junkie pilots, but he’s smiling all the same. He looks to Poe and blushes when he sees the intensity of his friend’s gaze. It’s affectionate, obviously so, warm and heartfelt in a way that Finn’s not ashamed to say he’s addicted to, but the slight arch of Poe’s brow tells him that he’s not getting out of this jump.

He’s never been dared like this before, but Finn thinks that he’d like to get used to the feeling.

“Okay,” he sighs, “Show me how it’s done, flyboy.”

Just as soon as the words left him Poe’s leaping from their perch, Finn pulled along for the ride. 

They’re falling, falling,  _ falling, _ and Finn’s never felt anything like it. His heart is in his throat and his stomach has bottomed out but  _ stars _ he’s got Poe’s hand in his and they’re  _ flying-- _

///

Now that Leia has explained it to him, Finn can see what he had missed before. He can  _ sense _ it, even. Finn can feel the way the world moves beneath his feet, the way the galaxy seems to inhale and exhale through him, connecting him, unlike anything Finn had thought was possible. It’s terrifying and beautiful all at once, and he can’t help but to think that he’s undeserving of this gift. He’s not brave like Rey or good like Poe, he’s just an ex-Stormtrooper, in the end. 

He’s certain that if he had been solid when he said as much aloud, Leia wouldn’t have hesitated to smack him upside the head for it, judging by her glare. Finn decided to keep his comments about his self-worth to himself for a while, after that.

When he asked  _ why now,  _ Leia said that perhaps it was the First Order’s multitude of drugs that kept the Force from presenting itself in Finn, or maybe it was waiting until he had made his escape to somewhere he was safe enough that it could manifest. Either way, Finn’s just pleased it hadn’t made itself known until recently. There was no doubt in his mind that if the Force had presented itself while he was a ‘trooper the First Order would have done their best to terminate him, or worse, hand him over to Kylo Ren and Snoke.

Not wanting to focus on the terrible ‘what-ifs’ of his past, Finn turns his mind to the present. The whole not-a-ghost-but-kind-of-one-anyways thing is still unsettling, of course, but less so now that he knows 1) he’s not dead and 2) it’s not permanent. Leia’s best guess is that Finn’s mind and spirit has healed itself much faster than his body, leaving the Force to strengthen within him as he waits for his physical self to catch up. 

Finn thinks that seems a little ridiculous, but nearly four months ago he was Stormtrooper  FN-2187 that was raised to kill Resistance fighters, so what does he know about anything, really?

\\\\\

The bed is too small for two grown men, that much is clear, yet neither Poe nor Finn seem to care too much about the slight discomfort. Finn’s got his head pillowed on Poe’s chest and an arm wrapped around his waist, content to listen to the older man’s heartbeat under his ear. 

“I don’t feel bad, is the problem,” Poe says apropos to nothing. His hand still traces the length of Finn’s scarred back but Finn can sense a small amount of hesitation in the movement that wasn’t there before. Finn’s brow furrows as he tries to make sense of Poe’s words but the other man keeps speaking.

“All in all, we don’t know each other that well, right?” He doesn’t wait for an answer before he continues, “I mean, we just had a handful of minutes together, even though it felt like more. So, I should feel bad for missing you-- _ wanting _ you, the way I do, but I don’t.” Poe drops his hand to wrap his arm more fully around Finn, almost as if he’s afraid he’ll vanish. 

“I’m right here,” Finn protests, although he’s fairly certain that Poe’s talking to himself. “I’m right here.”

Poe uses his free hand to tip Finn’s face up for a gentle kiss. When they pull apart, Finn can see heartbreak in his eyes.

“I really wish you were.”

///

“I’ve been having dreams,” he begins, then stops when he thinks to check to see if the General is actually  _ alone _ in her office before he tries to have a full conversation with her.

Thankfully, she is, and Leia only blinks a few times at his sudden appearance but doesn’t seem otherwise affected. 

“Dreams?”

“And I’m not sure if they’re mine,” he sighs as he takes the seat opposite Leia’s desk. It’s only been three days since their first conversation, though it felt like it’s been much longer. He had stayed away, not out of any dislike for the General--he admires her fiercely--but because Finn had wanted some time to process everything they’d discussed. It would’ve been nice to have another day or so without anything else to add to his plate, though he knows that isn’t an option anymore. His most recent dream has left him far too unsettled for him to put off this conversation any longer.

Leia leans back in her chair and tilts her head in contemplation, “Tell me about them.”

He’s concise, there’s no need for her to know  _ all _ of the details, really, and gives Leia the overview of his dreams. Finn tells her about spending time with Poe, hearing Rey’s laughter by the ocean, and the planet that he doesn’t know yet breaks his heart every single time he sees it. He glosses over the finer details of his latest dream with Poe (even now he can’t get the phantom sensation of skin on skin out of his mind) though judging by the glint in the General’s eye, she’s figured out what Finn’s not saying.

“Well,” she drawls after a beat of quiet, “I’m not so sure they’re your dreams either.” 

“Really?”

“Really. I can’t  _ truly _ speak for Poe, but it appears that you’re joining in on his dreams, and it sounds like you’re getting glimpses of Rey on Ahch-To as well as my memory of Alderaan.”

There’s a sudden flash of a palace surrounded by trees, the feeling of love and joy echoing through vast halls, laughter and strong arms holding him close and protecting him. It’s all  _ obliterated _ in the next moment by a beam of red light and an explosion so bright Finn thinks he’ll never be rid of the stain of it in his eyes.

He gasps at the memory, clutching at his chest as if he can press hard enough against his ribs to keep his heart from breaking. 

It’s not until he feels like he can breathe again that he dares to look at the General. Sometime during his episode she moved from behind her desk to perch on the side closest to Finn, leaning forward like she wanted to rest a comforting hand on Finn’s shoulder but stopped halfway when she remembered that she couldn’t. Her expression is understanding and sympathetic, covering up her anguish and sadness like a bandage. Finn wants to apologize--for what, he doesn’t have a clue--wants to say  _ something, _ but Leia just shakes her head gently at him when he opens his mouth. 

“It’s alright, Finn, it’s alright.” He barks an incredulous laugh, sharp and bitter, because surely  _ he’s _ not the one who should be comforted right now. The look on the General’s face tells him that she’ll have none of it though, so Finn turns back to the original problem at hand. (One day he’ll figure out the words to say to her, when he’s back in his body so he can give her the biggest hug he can possibly manage.)

“How can I stop?” He asks a little desperately, “I can’t keep intruding on his-- _ anyone’s _ \--privacy like that!”

Leia folds her hands in her lap and shrugs the smallest amount, “With enough practice and concentration, I have no doubt that you’d be able to control where your mind takes you as you sleep. It’ll take time, but it can be done.”

Finn was already shaking his head before she had finished. He didn’t  _ have _ time. Every single moment he dreamed of Poe, he was actually invading his friend’s thoughts. The knowledge of how Kylo Ren violated Poe’s mind so completely was bright in Finn’s memory. Poe had never brought it up when they talked in their dreams, but Finn knew how much pain and vulnerability he still carried with him from the knight’s torture. 

Finn knew he would rather  _ die _ than make Poe feel like he couldn’t be safe in his own mind.

“Focus on Rey, then,” Leia suggested when the silence grew heavy between them, “She’s training with my brother and will recognize what’s happening. Your abilities probably aren’t strong enough to complete the connection from such a great distance, but your attempts should get Rey’s attention regardless. Perhaps it’d even get her and Luke to come back to us sooner rather than later.”

Tension began to bleed out of his shoulders now that he had a plan in mind. “And what about you?”

Leia smirked, “Trust me, kid, you’ll only get in my mind if I  _ want _ you there, so I wouldn’t worry about it.” 

\\\\\

It takes more effort than Finn anticipated to avoid the call to Poe’s dreams that night, though he manages it by the skin of his teeth. It’s almost excruciating to do so, like he’s using every last drop of will in his body and it’s fighting him the entire time. For a moment Finn thinks that maybe he should’ve listened to Leia and tried patience and concentration, perhaps attempted to  _ build up to _ searching for Rey, but he shrugs the thought aside. Poe’s privacy is well worth any pain Finn may endure. 

He pictures the ocean and islands in his mind, the sound of Rey’s laugh mixed with waves crashing on rocks and salt in the air. His mind thinks of lightning, bright and powerful and  _ beautiful, _ the feeling of static on his skin and Rey’s hand in his.

When he opens his eyes Finn’s standing on Ahch-To, though the landscape is distorted. Everything appears unsettled, shifting and waving like he’s looking at the reflection of it on the surface of a lake. Feet not quite touching the ground, Finn begins to walk across the rocky landscape toward where he senses Rey. If he squints into the distance, he thinks he can see her corrupted silhouette standing on a distant cliff.

Finn’s not even halfway to her when feels himself begin to fade, just as Leia had said he would. He’s not strong enough to complete the connection, not yet, (kriff, he’s hardly strong enough to  _ try _ ) but if Finn can just get Rey’s attention,  _ she _ could bridge the gap between them.

_ Rey! _ He shouts, though his voice is lost somewhere between them,  _ Rey! _

As he feels himself disappear, she turns.

_ Finn? _

///

A new routine for the next few days is made. When Finn isn’t ‘asleep’ he shadows Leia around the base, given explicit permission to haunt her to all of her meetings. Though instead of taking the opportunity for what it was and  _ learning _ from her as he probably should and how she must have intended, he spends his time meditating and trying to reach Rey through the Force. He didn’t need to constantly hover around the General for this, but the alternative was sitting in the medbay next to his unconscious body.

Not exactly the best place to find mental peace, he thinks.

When Finn dreams, he reaches for Rey and ignores the way his heart twinges every time he avoids Poe. He fights his desire to investigate the sorrow and pain in the back of his mind, no matter how it grows as days pass. Finn swore not to invade Poe’s mind, and he would stand by that promise with everything he had.

\\\\\

The heat is already unbearable and Finn’s shoulders drop in exasperation.

“Jakku, seriously?!”

He opens his eyes to the vast expanse of miserable, horrible, hot,  _ sand _ that spreads endlessly around him. Figures that his luck would run out eventually and his mind would drag him back to this Force-forsaken planet. By some miracle he’s not wearing his ‘trooper armor or standing by the wreckage of the TIE-fighter, but instead wearing the standard black underclothes with Poe’s jacket warm on his back.

He’s not sure what direction he’s supposed to pick in this hellscape, but the choice is made for him when the sudden sensation of lightning erupts at his back, closer and stronger than ever before. Spinning 180 degrees on his heel, Finn startles at the sight of an old AT-AT laying on its side in a bank of sand. He outright  _ yelps _ when he finally notices Rey lounging on the ground by its belly next to a small entrance, a delighted smirk on her face. 

“Your observational skills are shit, Finn.”

He ignores the dig because he’s already grinning so wide that his cheeks hurt and running for her. She stands just in time for Finn to barrel into her and wrap her in a hug so tight he’s surprised her ribs don’t creak under the pressure.

Already, he can tell that this isn’t an ordinary dream. Everything is in sharp detail compared to the soft haze that seems to cover all of Poe’s dreams. Finn can practically  _ taste _ the sand in the air and feel the sun beating down on his back just as he had after the crash. Rey’s more solid in his arms, too, static and lightning so close that he’s got goosebumps prickling down his spine. 

His friend pulls back just enough to place her hands on his cheeks and search Finn’s face. 

“Oh, Finn,” she laughs. There’s joy and relief in her smile, her eyes damp just like Finn knows his own must be. “You have  _ so _ much to tell me, my friend.”

The laugh that escapes him is filled with glee and no small amount disbelief. When he composes himself, Rey’s expression is understanding. She’s got a little more experience with dealing with the sudden information that the Force is strong with her, after all. 

“I’ve got plenty of questions too,” Finn tells her.

She pulls fully from their embrace though she keeps their hands clasped together. Tugging him gently, Rey starts leading him toward the AT-AT.

“Well, let’s see what we can figure out together, then.”

///

Turns out that a Jedi-in-training and a comatose ex-Stormtrooper can’t figure out too much on their own. Finn’s not horribly surprised by this, but he still feels a twinge of disappointment. Rey promises to speak with Luke about Finn’s ‘condition’ (for a lack of a better word) while Finn seeks out Leia for any further advice.

“Have Rey tell my laser-brained brother to get his ass back here, will you? It’s about time he stops hiding.”

It’s flippant and irreverent, though Finn can feel the layers of hurt and longing underneath Leia’s words. He promises to send the message along anyways.

\\\\\

His feet have barely touched the sand when he’s pulled from the dreamscape with a  _ yank _ so strong Finn feels bile rise in his throat. Horror quickly replaces his confusion as the sterile black and white halls of the  _ Finalizer _ radiate around Finn. The plastoid helmet and armor sit familiar on his body, just as the blaster he’s holding feels like an extension of his arm. 

It makes him sick.

All of it is pushed to the side when pain that isn’t his own rushes through him.  The feeling of what was once sunlight on skin is now Kylo Ren’s blade searing his flesh. Despite the pain Finn’s already running before he made the conscious decision to, chasing after Poe’s screams as they echo off the walls. 

The world tilts and spins and Finn stumbles, the landscape churning until it spits him out outside the interrogation room. Poe’s cries are louder now, despite being trapped behind the steel door. The hum of Ren’s lightsaber is all-consuming as it roars in Finn’s ears and shakes him down to his core. 

But this isn’t his nightmare. He can’t afford to hesitate here, not with Poe’s fear nearly tangible in the air around him. 

With an angry wave of his hand the door is torn from its setting in a shower of sparks, his armor shattering like glass from around him. Finn’s trembling with power, with  _ rage _ , terrifying in his desire to save Poe from the demons in his own mind. 

The pilot is strapped into the chair just as he was the first time Finn saw him, though he’s bloodier and more broken than before. Kylo Ren stands at his side with one gloved hand knotted painfully in Poe’s hair while the other keeps his blade steady at Poe’s throat. He’s larger and more terrifying than Finn remembers, certainly a creation born of Poe’s fear. Around the room stands dozens of ‘troopers with their blasters aimed toward the center of the room where a pile of bodies lie  _ (Snap, Jess, Leia, Han, Kes, Rey, Finn--everyone) _ , each with a scorching hole in their chests. 

“Finn!” Poe’s scream is hoarse, his vocal cords unable to sustain his words after so much abuse, “You gotta get out of here! You have to  _ run!” _

Finn doesn’t, of course. Instead he raises the blaster he kept in hand and fires and fires and  _ fires _ until every Stormtrooper is burning from their own chests. Ren steps away from Poe’s side to stand between him and Finn, like a predator guarding his kill from scavengers. 

“You’re too late,” Ren sneers from behind his mask. He raises his lightsaber defensively, waiting for Finn to attack. 

Finn doesn’t have time for this. With another wave of his hand Ren is thrown into a wall with a sickening  _ thunk _ , and Finn keeps him there with all his strength until the man crumbles into dust beneath the pressure.

He runs to Poe, wishing away the restraints and blood with his mind so by the time Finn reaches him Poe’s nearly good as new. He still looks haunted, but Finn knows that’ll fade in time. Before Poe can speak he’s wrapped up tight in Finn’s arms and the  _ Finalizer _ disappears from around them. When their eyes open once more they’re kneeling together under their tree from Poe’s home.

“You’re safe now,” Finn presses hard a kiss to Poe’s temple, “I won’t let anything hurt you.” He murmurs endless platitudes into Poe’s hair, praying to the Force that the words will make a difference to his friend.

Poe doesn’t respond, but he tightens his fistes where they’re twisted in Finn’s shirt as if it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. He’s trembling, breathing hard, eyes wide open like he’s not sure he can trust what he’s seeing.

There’s nothing else in this world that Finn wants more than to stay with Poe at this moment, to tell the pilot he’ll be protected, to hold him until they both wake, but Finn already feels himself slipping away.

///

_ “Fuck!” _

His fist passes through the medbay wall like smoke through fingers, leaving Finn’s anger boiling and unsatisfied. The sight of his unconscious body in its bed does nothing to help matters, either. 

He’s so damn  _ useless _ right now. He can’t even help himself, or Poe, or  _ anyone, _ so why the hell is he even here? The thought comes unbidden, along with the insidious voice that tells Finn that he’s not worth the resources being used to keep him alive. The Resistance needs every hand on deck because the First Order is  _ still out there, _ yet Finn’s nothing but a burden to them all.

Another swear echoes around the room as he tries to push down that voice.  _ That’s the First Order talking, _ he tells himself,  _ That’s not how things are done here. _ Even once he’s reassured himself that  _ yes, _ he is in fact safe and yes, he’s  _ wanted _ here, Finn looks down at his body lying in bed and glares. 

“Can you hurry up and get better?” he asks it, feeling ridiculous as he does. The whole situation is surreal, he knows, but there’s something about talking to, well,  _ himself, _ in a literal sense like this that makes his skin crawl. Metaphorically, of course, because he’s a  _ kriffing ghost _ or  _ astral projection  _ and he doesn’t have any skin at the moment.  

Finn’s exhaustion is apparent because he’s not even making any sense to himself anymore. Just add it to the list of his failures, he thinks, along with ‘unable to wake from a coma’ and ‘unable to protect those he cares about.’

///

Realizing that staring down at his own body in the medbay isn’t the best way to find any mental peace, Finn decides to go to Leia instead. She’s not alone when he appears near her in the mess hall, but he doesn’t mind, she still smiles at him over someone else’s shoulder anyways. And if anyone wonders what the General’s looking at in the middle distance, no one says a word.

Thankfully, Leia seems to pick up on Finn’s agitation soon enough and politely excuses herself from the other officers at her table. He feels a little guilty to monopolize her time like this--surely she’s got better things to do than coddle him whenever he’s upset--but he pushes the feeling aside completely when she gives him a  _ look _ over her shoulder that’s one part General Organa and one part Exasperated Mother. At least, that’s what Finn thinks the latter bit is. He doesn’t exactly have a lot of experience with mothers in any capacity, after all, but he thinks he’s translated the expression well enough. 

Finn startles when he realizes that they’re already in Leia’s office. Too lost in thought, he hadn’t paid attention during their walk over. Leia smiles at his sheepish expression as she takes a seat behind her desk.

“What’s on your mind, kid?” 

His eyes roll at the nickname though he’s grateful for the warmth in his heart that her familiarity gives him. It’s not enough to completely wash away his feelings of agitation and despair, but it’s a nice enough distraction for half a moment. He wants to tell Leia that it’s nothing, that he’s just overreacting to Poe’s nightmare, that everything’s fine and she shouldn’t worry about him.

“I’m afraid,” Finn’s confession comes without his permission, “I’m tired and I’m afraid.” 

He doesn’t say,  _ I’m tired of being useless, of feeling like a burden to myself. I’ve done nothing but haunt this world for months yet I’m so tired I feel as if I could sleep for eternity and it still wouldn’t be enough. I’m afraid, _ he can’t say, _ that I’m a liar, that I’m not the hero people seem to think I am. _ He’s heard the whispers, some caught somewhere between awe and disbelief that an ex-Stormtrooper helped save the galaxy. Not everyone approves of his presence, of course, the war has gone on too long for one feat to soften every calloused heart in the Resistance.  _ I’m afraid they’ll be right,  _ he thinks, _ I’m afraid that I’m not worth whatever second chance I’ve been given.  _

Leia hears every word anyways. 

On nearly silent feet, the General stands from behind her desk and moves to the empty seat on Finn’s left. He can’t look at her--shame rests hot and heavy like bile in his mouth, his insecurities laid bare without making a sound--even as he feels her gaze locked on him.

She doesn’t immediately offer empty platitudes like he anyone else would. Instead, he feels Leia pushing out her emotions until Finn’s overflowing with them. Stone pillars are replaced by comfort and the feeling of home, blue skies and mountains towering in the distance. There’s laughter, clear and light, and there’s gentle arms wrapped around him.

Every ounce of affection, understanding, pride, support _ , _ all of it is given to Finn selflessly. He’s nearly drowning in it, even as he’s holding onto it like a lifeline.

He’s safe, he’s  _ loved.  _

Finn doesn’t know how long they stay like that, doesn’t know when he closed his eyes, but when they open the first thing he sees is Leia’s hand resting with his on the arm of the chair. They’re not holding hands--her hand actually passes through his own l--but the fact that Leia bothered to  _ try _ makes Finn smile so wide he’s sure his cheeks will ache for hours. 

“Thank you,” he chokes out around the lump in his throat,  _ “Thank you.” _

Leia smiles warmly before standing. There’s a few moments of silence as she returns to sit behind her desk before the General speaks.

“I got word from Rey last night,” she begins, “She and Luke will be returning in three days. Hopefully with them nearby you’ll find it easier to wake up properly.” Leia grins indulgently as Finn stands and lets out a whoop of joy so loud the whole base would’ve jumped if they could hear him. He’d be a little embarrassed in front of anyone else, but he’s pretty sure that they’ve moved past that sort of thing already.

Leia continues once Finn’s got some amount of control over himself again. “Poe will be back tomorrow, and I know for a fact he’ll stop by your medbay room as soon as he’s done with his debriefing. Once he’s done with the official business, he and I can have a conversation before he goes. I think it’s high time we tell the man just what’s going on with you, don’t you agree?”

All at once tension overpowers the relief he felt moments before. Finn’s known that this day was coming of course, it’d been the plan for Leia to talk to Poe ever since Finn first spoke with her, yet he can’t help but to believe that his friend won’t want anything to do with him afterwards.

\\\\\

“I’m glad you’re back, buddy.”

Finn turns to see Poe lounging beneath their usual tree and peering up through the branches. He doesn’t look at Finn, yet he knows that all of Poe’s attention is on him regardless.

He waits until he’s sitting next to Poe before replying. “I’m sorry I was away for so long.”  _ I’m sorry I left you, even though I’m still sure it was the right thing to do. I’m sorry that you had that nightmare and I couldn’t stop it from happening. I’m sorry that you don’t have someone better to protect you. _

The pilot’s smile is forgiving, just as he knew it would be, as he takes Finn’s hand in his. Even though Finn can’t help but to feel like he doesn’t deserve it, he leaves their hands entwined. He’s already made peace with his weakness.

“What did I do to make you leave?”

Finn’s heart breaks a little at the vulnerability in Poe’s tone. “It wasn’t you,” he promises, “Even though I know you won’t believe that.”

“That’s true,” Poe chuckles.

“Just like you wouldn’t believe me if I said I was real, that I wasn’t a figment of your imagination, and I’m actually  _ here, _ right?” Finn knows he could’ve waited for the General to speak to Poe when the pilot returns in the morning--stars know this isn’t the smoothest way to try and break the news--but he can’t help but to think it’d be better if Finn tries to explain it first.

The older man laughs, of course. “Yeah, pal? And how would that happen?”

Finn smiles too, helpless not to in the face of Poe’s mirth. “The Force, flyboy, how else?”

Poe rolls his eyes even as Finn sobers and continues, “I didn’t realize that I was visiting your dreams in the beginning. When I started following you around the base and you couldn’t see me the General had to explain it to me because for a while I thought I was a ghost.” The words are rushed, as if his mind thinks Poe would believe them more if they came out at lightspeed. “I swear I didn’t mean to invade your dreams, I promise, that’s why I stayed away after I learned what was happening; I wanted you to not have to worry about the sanctity of your own mind.”

Poe’s silence while he takes in the information and Finn quietly panics at his side. He shouldn’t, he knows, because he’s certain that Poe doesn’t believe him, yet he can’t help his reaction. Finn doesn’t know what he’ll do if Poe decides he can’t be forgiven. 

Rey still would be his friend, Finn knows, just as he knows that Leia would continue to look after him, and Finn could try to make new friends on base, but losing Poe? Finn thinks he’d miss him like a lost limb or a piece of his heart. He thinks it’d feel a lot like losing something beautiful before it even had a chance to start.

Poe’s amusement is dancing in the air between as he rests his head on Finn’s shoulder. “If you say so, buddy, if you say so.” 

Eyes closed and heart beating wildly in his chest, Finn relishes in the easy affection Poe shares with him. It may be the last time Poe lets him close like this so he soaks it up like sunlight.

They sit in silence together until morning comes.

///

When Finn’s eyes open he knows that Poe has already made it back to base. He’s frustrated that he didn’t get to meet Poe out on the tarmac (even if he’d be invisible for their reunion), but since he can tell that the pilot is already with the General, perhaps it’s for the best that he woke late. There’s hardly any time at all for his nerves to get the best of him.

Kriff, there’s hardly any time for Finn to complete his train of thought before Poe’s striding into the medbay.

Poe doesn’t look like he’s taken a moment to himself since he landed  _ Black One.  _ He’s still in his flight suit with shadows under his eyes and his hair a wild mess on the top of his head. Finn can’t see any obvious injuries--thank the Force--but the anxiety thrumming through his friend is potent enough to keep Finn’s nerves overpowering the comfort Poe normally brings him.

Eyes narrowed, Poe spins slowly to take in the room, searching every inch of space like he thinks if he concentrates hard enough, Finn will appear. Once he’s completed a full circle his shoulders sag as if he’s disappointed with himself. Poe then falls into his usual seat at Finn’s bedside with a huff, but he takes Finn’s limp hand in his own with such tenderness that Finn  _ aches _ . 

“So,” Poe drawls around a smile, “Turns out you’ve been here all along, huh?”

Finn’s already kneeling at Poe’s side and reaching for him. “Yeah, I’m here, I’m right  _ kriffing  _ here.”

He knows it’s useless, knows that Poe hasn’t been able to hear him since the beginning, but he can’t stop his reaction even if he tried. Poe finally  _ knows. _ Finn feels more real than he ever had before.

“I’m not upset about you being in my head.”

Finn wonders if Poe can sense his disbelief. 

Poe shrugs, “I mean, I probably  _ should-- _ hell, there’s a lot of things that I  _ should _ \--but I honestly can’t find it in me to be angry about it, Finn.” He leans forward to cradle Finn’s hand with both of his own. “We got to see each other, got to get to  _ know _ each other,” Poe blushes a bright pink but clears his throat and carries on, “And you kept my nightmares away, buddy. I think if anything I should be grateful.”

It doesn’t escape Finn’s notice that Poe doesn’t mention the...closeness, that developed between them. Nothing said of the kisses they shared or the times they held each other. It’s not out of malice or shame, that much Finn can tell, but because Finn’s not really  _ here _ to talk about it all. 

Poe suddenly rises and leans over Finn’s prone form on the bed, one hand clutched almost desperately around Finn’s while the other cups his cheek tenderly. He freezes for half a moment, uncertainty clouding his features, then shakes it off. A gentle kiss is pressed to Finn’s forehead and Finn swears he can almost feel it. 

“You just gotta wake up, alright?” Poe’s kisses Finn’s brow again, “You gotta get up so we can figure all this out together, okay? I need you here with me.”

Finn smiles and ignores the way his throat is closing around his emotions, “I need you too.”

The sunlight dancing on his skin is overwhelming.

\\\\\

Finn wonders if seeing an ocean in person would be just as amazing as seeing it through Rey’s mind. Ahch-To’s air is cool and filled with salt, exhilarating unlike anything he’s experienced before. Maybe he could visit, one day.

“This is what you make me think of,” Rey’s voice comes from behind him.

“The ocean?” Finn turns his head enough to make her out in the corner of his eye, unable to give up the view completely just yet.

She shakes her head. “No. Water. Restorative, something like that.” 

He can’t help but to chuckle a little at Rey. Growing up isolated as she did, Finn knows she’s learned use all of her resources sparingly, to use one word where others would use twenty. 

“You’re lightning,” he tells her, “Strong, bright, powerful, kind of terrifying.” Rey snorts a laugh.

“What about me?” Finn turns completely at the new voice, even though he already knows who he’s going to see. 

Luke Skywalker stands just behind Rey and leans casually against a pile of stones that look like they’ve been there since the birth of the galaxy. He’s smiling gently at them both, as if he’s made happy just by seeing them happy. There’s a feeling of loss and grief around him, just like Leia, but it’s diminished, an old wound that’s finally beginning to heal.

Finn closes his eyes and considers for a moment. “Wind,” he decides, “A wind strong enough to knock me over or lift me into the air if I let it.”  _ It’s the feeling of jumping into hyperspace in a X-wing,  _ he thinks,  _ the giddy joy of a free fall with the one you love at your side. _

The silence grows comfortable around the three of them, everyone seemingly content with the small peace they’ve created in the dream together. Finn takes the time to look back out at the ocean. He doesn’t have words for it, but if he was pressed he’d say it was humbling. Being one out of thousands of ‘troopers was one thing, but staring at infinity where sky meets water? Finn doesn’t think he’s ever felt so small.

(He knows that most would say the same about space, but Finn disagrees.

When he was in that TIE-fighter and running from the Order--trusting a stolen rebel pilot at his back and telling himself  _ I can do this I can do this I  _ **_have_ ** _ to-- _ shooting and flying and even as they fell, Finn was infinite. 

He thinks that he found his soul among the stars that day, set free inside of him and among the stars the moment Poe Dameron said,  _ I’m gonna call you Finn. _ )

When Luke speaks his voice is eases into the quiet without shattering the tranquility. “When Rey and I return to the Resistance, I don’t doubt that we will be able to help you.”

Finn bows his head in gratitude but keeps silent, knowing that Luke isn’t finished yet. “After you wake from your coma, and after you heal completely, you are welcome to train under me alongside Rey if that is what you wish.”

There’s hesitance laced through the Jedi’s words, faint but present. Finn understands. The last time Luke had trained students it had ended in a massacre and the birth of Kylo Ren. There aren’t enough words to describe how much trust--and forgiveness--it must have taken for Luke to take Rey on, let alone to include Finn as well. He’s thankful, humbled, astonished all at once, but he truly doesn’t know how to handle so much trust freely given.

What Finn  _ does _ know is that it would be wise to take plenty of time to think on the offer. To become a Jedi is an honor and a burden, a destiny unlike anything Finn would have ever dared to imagine for himself. 

Despite how daunting that fate may be, Finn can only think that he’d finally be able to help _. _ He’d no longer feel useless, not when he could learn to protect every innocent life and those he cared about. He’d no longer have to be  _ afraid. _

There’s suddenly a familiar weight in Finn’s right hand, cool to the touch but thrumming with a power that’s as old as time itself. With a thought he activates the lightsaber and can’t help but to grin.

“I suppose that’s enough of an answer,” Luke chuckles, “Even if the purple is a little unorthodox.” 

///

Finn spends the entirety of the following day vibrating with energy. He’s grateful that Poe is back because needs  _ something  _ to focus on and he’s missed the pilot something fierce these last two weeks.

Poe looks over his shoulder every once in awhile like he's searching for Finn. He must know that it's a fruitless task, yet he still looks around, and ends up so disappointed in himself every time he fails. Finn’s all too aware how soft and tender his heart feels in his chest as he witnesses Poe repeat the process over and over again.

Distraction thankfully comes in the form of Poe kneeling next to his ship and attempting to explain to BB-8 what exactly has happened to Finn. 

“So he's here _ \-- _ no BB, not literally--kind of like a ghost?”

The droid beeps rapidly, and Finn still may not understand a lick of binary but he can certainly tell that the astromech is distraught. 

Poe’s eyes widen with panic. “No no no, buddy! Not like that!” He flaps his hands around for a moment like he's not sure how to calm down his little friend before he places them on either side of BB’s head and forces the droid to meet his gaze.

“Finn’s alive! I'm sorry, I’m sorry! I didn't mean to confuse you!” He cringes at the distressed noise BB makes then pushes on. “Finn’s alive, still in his coma, but he's….aware, ok? The General explained it to me. Apparently he's strong with the Force--like her and Rey and Skywalker--so even though his body his still sleeping, his mind’s awake and he's been able to walk around  _ like _ a ghost, even though he's  _ not dead. _ Got it now, BB?”

BB-8 is silent for a few moments, clearly trying to fit this new information into his worldview, then explodes into a whirl of beeping that thankfully, sounds like delight. 

Poe falls back onto his ass with a sigh of relief as his droid rolls happy circles around him, making so much noise that almost every person in the hangar has stopped and turned around to see what all the fuss is about. There's a wry grin on Poe’s mouth, almost like he knows that Finn’s laughing at him as he flushes pink with embarrassment. The pilot lets BB roll around for a while longer before he reaches out for the droid with a gentle hand on his side. BB-8 stops immediately, though he’s still chattering away.

“Okay, BB, I know you’re happy--I am too, of  _ course _ I am,” he’s smiling through his faint exasperation, though Poe continues to be endlessly patient with the excitable droid. “But you remember that Finn doesn’t understand binary, right? So even if he’s here he’s not gonna understand anything you just told him.” BB-8 whirrs sadly at that, and Finn’s only a little ashamed to admit that he let out a not-so-quiet  _ aww _ at the sound, grateful for the first time that Poe can’t hear him. 

The astromech’s head then bobs like he’s nodding his understanding, then lets out some inquisitive beeps.

“Glad you asked, BB,” Poe pats the top of the droid’s head fondly. “Rey and Skywalker are coming tomorrow and they think they can get Finn to wake up properly.”

BB-8’s ecstatic chirps are so loud Finn’s certain the neighboring star system can hear them.

\\\\\

It’s disconcerting that they’re standing in it the barracks of the  _ Finalizer. _ Wonder of wonders though, Finn isn’t back in his ‘trooper armor and he can already sense that this isn’t going to be the beginning of anyone’s nightmare. 

(Not that it matters, really. Finn had never wanted to see this place again, never wanted  _ Poe  _ to see this place again, even if it was only in their minds.)

Poe isn’t visibly upset as he wanders between the bunks, but Finn knows that the older man is on par with Leia when it comes to hiding his emotions. It’s just something Finn hasn’t ever witnessed for himself yet. 

“Was there this many bunks when you were here?” There’s nothing but genuine curiosity in Poe’s voice, so Finn lets some of his worry melt away.

He takes in the room and shrugs. “Yeah, fifty per room is pretty standard. On Starkiller some areas could squeeze in about a hundred.”

Poe grimaces and Finn can’t help but to chuckle at him. With the Resistance the most they’d fit to a room was six, and even then those rooms were mostly provided for certain beings who needed that particular kind of closeness in order to survive. Others are put two or four per a room with the highest ranking officers getting singles. As a Commander, Poe got the benefit of a single with a small attached ‘fresher. Finn knew that he hardly used the space--he’d much rather spend time around his fellow pilots or in his ship--but no one cared to try and take the room from him since it backed up right next to the hangar and it’s endless noise. 

(Finn doesn’t think about how he wouldn’t mind that much constant sound, how he’d never slept anywhere that wasn’t echoing with the breaths and heartbeats of a dozen squadrons or more, and how he was now afraid to lay in the dark by himself. He especially doesn’t think about how Poe’s room is big enough for two.)

“I’m sorry we’re here,” Finn says instead, managing to meet Poe’s eyes as he does.

“Why?”

Finn stops, incredulous, and sweeps an arm out to gesture at their surroundings. “This is the First Order? This is where I was raised to be a killer with all the ‘troopers? This is where you were  _ tortured?  _ Take your pick.” 

Poe actually  _ rolls his eyes _ . “Sure, it  _ is _ all those things. But like it or not it’s part of our history. No sense in trying to avoid that.”

He’s right, of course, but Finn doesn’t care to think on Poe’s logic right now. His skin is crawling at the sight of all the black and white around them and the way that he can feel the oppressive  _ sterility _ of the First Order even in his dream.

“Show me a part of your history, then. Something good.”

Poe gives Finn a look that tells him they’ll be continuing this conversation later, then holds out his hand. “Come on,” he says, “I’ve got just the thing.”

\\\\\

They’re back on Yavin IV, hands still laced together as they stand under the familiar tree.

“I’ve seen this before,” Finn reminds Poe.

Poe smiles and squeezes his hand and begins to sit, pulling Finn with him. It’s not until they’re wrapped around each other--Finn between Poe’s legs and leaning back against his chest, Poe braced against the trunk with his arms holding Finn tight--that he speaks.

“True, but you didn’t know that this is a Force-sensitive tree, did you? Saved by my mom and Skywalker and given to her as a gift, in fact.” Poe smiles and press a kiss onto the crown of Finn’s head as his excitement builds and fills the air. Thankfully, Poe begins to tell the story without Finn having to wheedle it out of him.

He tells Finn about Luke Skywalker and Shara Bey going on a mission to save the remains of the original and ancient Force-sensitive tree that was on Coruscant, a tale filled with daring feats and plenty of explosions that has Finn wide-eyed and enraptured as Poe speaks. In his mind Finn sees a young woman with the same curly hair and reckless determination she passed on to her son. She’s wearing a bright orange flightsuit like a proud warrior in gleaming armor, a sapling in her hand and a blaster on her hip as she leans against her A-wing. A younger Luke Skywalker holds its twin at her side, and they’re smiling and victorious and so kriffing  _ alive. _

The image changes, Luke fading away to somewhere unknown while Shara kneels in the dirt on Yavin IV.  Finn watches as as she tends to the growing tree, years passing quickly and the tree growing impossibly faster. He smiles as he sees a tiny Poe sit in the tree’s shade with his mother and father, soaking up the love they radiate.

Finn’s heart twinges a little jealously at that, though it fades quickly. In the few moments of freedom stolen for himself--when he felt safe enough to  _ dare _ \--FN-2187 always wondered what having parents would be like if life was different. It was treason to think on it, about a world without the First Order, but he couldn’t help the compulsion to dream. 

Now, however, as he thinks of a kind smile and a mischievous smirk, the feelings of acceptance and love and the feeling of solid stone beneath his feet, Finn thinks he’s starting to understand. 

\\\\\

After Poe finishes his story, Finn lets them bask in the silence and warm contentment for a little while before he speaks.

“Did you know that everyone feels different through the Force?” It’s a bit of a non sequitur, but Poe doesn’t seem to be phased by it. “Like a signature. Unique.”

Poe hums with interest. “Tell me about it.”

So Finn does. 

He tells Poe how Rey is lightning. Powerful like people would only dare to dream. She has the ability to be a wildfire if she wanted, able to raze the galaxy to a burning husk if she felt like it. Instead she’s control. She’s one bolt of power carefully aimed, never wasteful, never extravagant, a type of tranquility that belies the electricity that courses through her.

Finn tells Poe how the Leia and Luke are two so different yet so complementary, one a solid foundation and the other reckless flight, both feeling so inexplicably ancient that Finn can’t help but to wonder if the Force had been waiting for the twins since the galaxy was created. 

There’s a beat of silence where Poe’s unasked question-- _ what about me? _ \--hangs unspoken between them. Poe won’t press for an answer, Finn knows, but he gathers his courage to answer anyways. It’ll reveal too much about how he feels, of course, though he wonders if there’s really anything that even needs revealing anymore.

“You know I never really knew what sunlight felt like until Jakku?” Poe doesn’t say anything, so Finn continues. 

“All my life I’ve been stuck in that ‘trooper armor. Fifty pounds of that stuff weighing me down for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I feel like I was  _ born _ into it. Even when we were training on other worlds we always wore it, no matter what we were doing and no matter the climate. Only got to take the helmets off for meals, and only time we were allowed to take the rest off too was for sleep and showers.” Finn feels Poe tense with anger at his back, but he knows it’s not directed at him. He squeezes Poe’s hand in an attempt at comfort, and he presses on.

“So it wasn’t until we crashed in Jakku that I felt sunshine for myself. It was harsh, so  _ relentless _ , you know? Not exactly pleasant for my first experience.” He chuckles dryly. “Takodana was better.”

“I was like Rey: I didn’t know there was that much green in the galaxy. Couldn’t really wrap my head around it all but I was too terrified to appreciate it. Only time before that I saw any green was on Starkiller and it wasn’t the same. It was cold and sterile, somehow managed to stink like death under all the chemicals. 

“But Takodana was warm _. _ Everything felt lighter,  _ safer _ , somehow. I was still planning on running, though, that hadn’t changed, but it was harder to think about there than it was before.” 

“So that’s what you’re like to me. Hope. Warmth. Life. The feeling of safety and the Light.” Finn braces himself, lets the memory of their earlier contentment buoy him as he finishes. 

“You’re sunshine on my skin.”

There’s not even time for Finn to panic that he’s said too much before Poe is tilting his head back and pressing a heated kiss to his lips. More emotion than he can even fathom is poured from Poe to Finn, every drop of affection and acceptance--love, so much love--that Finn didn’t realize he desperately craved. He untangles their hands to push his through Poe’s hair, tugging almost harshly at the strands between his fingers. Poe’s free hand trembles as he cups Finn’s cheek, keeping their mouths pressed together until their need for air outweighs their need for each other. They’re both flushed and panting when they pull apart, but Poe speaks first.

“I hated myself when I was standing on D’Qar again,” Poe’s voice is low and rough, and it sends shivers along Finn’s skin. “I was glad to be alive--don’t get me wrong--but I couldn’t stand myself. Everyone was telling me that I was a miracle for escaping capture, that because of my idea to give the map to BB-8 the Resistance still had a chance to defeat the First Order. They kept calling me a  _ hero _ .”

Poe swallows harshly. “But all I could think about was the man who saved my life. The soldier who raged against everything he knew so he could get a chance at freedom. 

“All I could think about was how I failed you. How I got you  _ killed _ . I didn’t care about the torture then, didn’t care about the damned map, even. Best pilot in the Resistance couldn’t even keep the man he owed his life to alive. I wanted to scream, cry, fight-- _ anything  _ that’d make me feel like I was worth the air I breathed.

“Then it started to rain,” Poe huffs a disbelieving laugh and grins, “And I swear to all the gods, I’ve never felt anything like it. I still had sand from Jakku on my skin, my lips were bloody and cracked, and I was nearly dead on my feet. But that rain, Finn? Stars, it washed it all away. The torture, Kylo Ren in my mind, losing you the crash? I was getting cleansed of all of it.

“I stood on that tarmac, smiling like an idiot in the downpour, nearly _giddy,_ because somehow it felt like _hope,_ like absolution, even. I can’t feel the Force, Finn, not like you can, but I swear by everything I am--that rain felt like _you_. It was the reason why I made it to Takodana. Even though I didn’t know you were there--didn’t know you were alive--I knew I couldn’t let you down. So I stood in the rain and let it put me back together.”

Poe takes a deep breath and locks eyes with Finn. He’s smiling, the brightest thing Finn’s ever seen, like he’s never felt so happy in all his life. “So that’s what you are Finn,” He says, “You’re rain. And I'm drowning in it, but I swear it's the best thing I've ever known.”

///

He’s dazed and breathless so it takes several moments for Finn to take in his new surroundings.

Poe’s no longer wrapped around him under the tree, no longer kissing him and speaking words of love to Finn, but he  _ is _ sitting in his usual spot at Finn’s left in the medbay while Leia sits on his right, and Rey and Luke standing at the foot of his bed. 

“Nice of you to show up, kid,” Leia snorts. Luke and Rey smile at him while Poe looks vaguely in the same direction, trying, Finn knows, to see him as everyone else can.

Finn thinks that he should maybe take a moment to say something to them all, perhaps a thank you--or even some better expression of gratitude because kriffing  _ hell _ they’ve all been so patient and kind to him and he doesn’t know if he can ever repay them for that. 

But before he can even begin to think of any words that’d encompass everything he’s thinking and feeling, Luke’s got his flesh hand raised and directed at Finn’s sleeping form, Rey mirroring him at his right.

“Just close your eyes, Finn,” she tells him, “You’ll be back before you know it.”

He smiles at his friend and does as she says, listening to the way the Force thrums so strongly around them all, whispering  _ lightning and wind and stone and sunshine sunshine sunshine-- _

 

///

 

 

It’s the quiet, Finn thinks, that tells him something’s off. Silence isn’t something he ever learned to navigate before.

But already he can tell that this quiet is different than it had been before. 

This time, the silence isn’t numbing. This time, Finn knows what’s waiting for him.

He can already feel the sunlight. 

  
  


 

///

 

A gasp is torn from his throat with a violence that has Finn’s back arching, the movement sending pain screaming down every last nerve down his spine. 

His head aches--there’s so much  _ noise.  _ Beeping, yelling, his own ragged breathing, it’s all amplified to a degree that Finn swears he can feel his teeth rattling in his skull. 

“--was  _ that?!” _

“--don’t know--”

“--to be painless!”

Someone’s hand clutches his own, while others are pressed firm against his chest and arms and legs. Finn panics, throwing as much force as he can behind his limbs in order to throw off whoever his holding him down. More pain screams through his body and suddenly there’s a feeling of calm that’s not his own--it’s solid and powerful and endless--and he thinks, _ oh. _

He stills, lets himself sink back into the mattress beneath him as his memories catch up. 

The hands on him don’t leave, though they do gentle. He’s thankful for them, they’re keeping him grounded. After another few minutes of panting through the last of his pain, Finn opens his eyes. 

Poe’s the closest, worried and looking so desperate to help but not knowing how, like he’d climb into Finn’s bed if he thought it’d help and not hurt Finn further. Opposite, Leia wears an expression of utmost calm on her face but Finn can’t miss the faint concern doing it’s best to hide beneath the surface. He strains a little to look further down where Luke and Rey stand by his legs, both looking just as rattled as he feels. Finn takes in their expressions of shock and sighs. 

“That was unpleasant.”

It comes out a lot less comprehensible and a lot more broken, Finn’s voice rusty after months of disuse, but everyone seems to understand him well enough anyways. The tension that had built disappears and relief replace everyone’s worry.

Poe’s smile is the brightest even as he helps to lift Finn’s head enough to drink from a cup of water. Finn knows that he just woke from a five-month coma, but he can’t help the flush of embarrassment that runs through him. He’s not used to feeling this weak. 

“How’s your head, your breathing?” Poe quirks a brow, “You in any unbearable pain?”

Finn takes a moment to take stock of himself and briefly consider the rapid fire questions before shrugging as best as he’s able. “I’m alright.”

Poe beams. “Good.”

Then he’s leaning down and kissing Finn--ardent and unhurried but with so much love Finn thinks his soul as escaped him and soared off into the atmosphere. 

It’s only the sudden burst of noise in the doorway that breaks them apart, cluing them into the frantic alarm of Finn’s heart rate monitor and the disgruntled Twi’lek nurse running into the room.

“I only let you all in here because you said you’d keep him  _ calm! _ I can forgive the state he woke up in, you told me he’d be in for a shock,” she waves her arms around as she speaks, her frustration a nearly tangible thing in the air. “But this--does  _ that _ sound ‘calm’ to you?!” 

Finn blushes hard as everyone pauses to listen to the machine that monitors his heart  _ beep beep beeping _ with no care of his mortification. Luke, Leia, and Rey snicker with glee until the nurse levels a stern glare at the trio. Poe, however, just grins smugly down at Finn then at the rest of the room, completely shameless and proud to have caused such a reaction in Finn.

The nurse rolls her eyes as she begins to attempt to herd the four humans from the room, trying in vain to pull and push them gently out the door. She didn’t seem to care that the group was made up of a Commander, the General, and two Jedi--she clearly just wanted them  _ gone. _

“Go, shoo. He needs to be looked over by the doctors and then he needs to  _ rest.  _ You all can return after Mr. Organa has been cleared for visitors.”

Everyone but the nurse freezes in place. Finn stares wide-eyed with Luke, Poe, and Rey, turning their shocked and disbelieving expressions to Leia who appears just as nonplussed as usual. 

“He needed a family name,” she shrugs. Leia turns to Finn, raising a brow in a silent question.

He gapes for a moment before managing a stuttered, “I-I’d be  _ honored _ , Leia.”

The General nods seriously, but the relief and joy are clear as day in her eyes. “See?” she turns to the rest of the group and smiles.

Poe’s brow furrows as he opens his mouth to object, but Leia raises a hand to cut him off. “Oh, I have no doubt that you’d’ve offered your  _ own _ name,” the softness in her eyes changes to something far more knowing. “But save that for when you ask me for my blessing in, hmm, let’s say, one year?”

With that, Leia makes her exit from the room. Poe’s face turns a bright red as Finn’s own face heated up so fast he thought he’d catch flame, all while Luke and Rey laugh at their expense. 

(Finn isn’t  _ entirely _ sure what Leia had implied with her parting words, but he has an idea. The implications have tears prickling at the backs of his eyes, and he doesn’t care. It’s probably too soon to put words to it all right now, too fragile and too new, but Finn can’t stop his heart from soaring and can’t stop thinking  _ finally, finally, I’ve got a family,  _ **_finally._ ** )

Once she has breath in her lungs, Rey makes her way to Finn’s bedside and leans down to press a kiss to his forehead.

“I’m glad to see you, my friend, for  _ real _ this time.” She’s smiling so brightly, and Finn can’t stop himself from mirroring her.

“I’m  _ so _ happy to see you--it’s been a really weird few months.”

Rey throws her head back and laughs, shakes her head when she looks at him again. “That's an understatement.”

There’s a snort of amusement from Luke half a moment before he appears at Rey’s shoulder. He places his hand on Finn’s shoulder and smiles gently.

“I’m pleased to meet you properly, Finn, but we will have plenty of time to speak later. For now, I think that Rey and I will leave you to rest.” He backs away as quickly as he appeared, and Finn gives Rey a questioning look. 

“He’s really nice,” she shrugs, “But a little odd. You’ll get used to it.”

Finn chuckles, “Looking forward to it.”

“He’s right, though, so I’ll get out of your hair for now. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“I’d like that.”

Rey’s gone between one blink and the next, leaving a still flushed-looking Poe having some sort of silent argument with the nurse. Nothing is exchanged between them except stranger and stranger facial expressions and wild hand gestures for a few minutes, until the nurse suddenly throws her hands in the air with a groan of annoyance.

“Fine!  _ Fine.  _ You have  _ five minutes, _ Commander, and I mean it!” She raises a threatening finger in Poe’s face, “I will be back in exactly five minutes, and Mr. Organa  _ will _ be seen by the doctors, understood?”

Poe raises his hands in surrender, putting an innocent expression on his face that the nurse  _ clearly _ doesn’t buy for a moment, but she does leave the room as promised. The victorious smile he shoots Finn’s direction is nothing short of rakish and if Finn wasn’t already lying down he thinks he’d be too weak in the knees to stand. 

The expression softens after a few moments of Poe just silently looking at Finn, though it’s still got Finn’s heart beating faster than what he thinks the doctors would recommend.

“What?” he asks after nearly too much silence.

Poe’s at his side immediately. “I just,” he smiles softly, “I just can’t get over the fact that you’re  _ awake _ . I mean--I know you were already, technically, but--”

“This is different,” Finn finishes for him. He reaches for Poe’s hand, who meets him halfway. “This definitely has its perks.”

“It most certainly does,” Poe looks at their intertwined hands, passing his thumb over the skin on Finn’s knuckles. Before, Finn had only known this sort of touch in their dreams. It was intoxicating to say the least, something new that Finn had never experienced or dared to even imagine. But this? This small intimacy in the waking world has him shaking apart at his seams.

“You know I meant every word I said, right?” Poe looks up to lock eyes with Finn and his heart stutters in his chest at the raw honesty he sees. “Even before I knew you were real, when I just thought you were something my mind made up to cope, I meant everything.”

He’s helpless to stop the tears, but Finn just lets them fall because he’ll be damned if he carries one ounce of embarrassment for what he feels for Poe. 

“I know,” Finn rasps, “Just as you know I meant it all, too.”

Poe’s kissing the words from his lips already, cradling his head with both hands like he’s something precious, something to be  _ cherished, _ something that he can’t believe he gets to hold like this. Finn brings up his hands to tangle into Poe’s shirt at his chest, too weak and trembling to reach any further. He twists his fingers in the fabric with as much strength that he can manage, determined to make this kiss last. 

It doesn’t, of course, because they can’t kiss forever and need things like air to survive, however much they wish it weren’t the case. 

“Okay, this is what will happen, Finn Organa,” how Poe manages to put words together, Finn doesn’t know. His voice is  _ wrecked _ , though, a feat that Finn can’t help but to preen at.“You’re gonna get looked at by the doctors, you’re gonna let your spine finish healing, and then you’re gonna get back on your feet, alright? And I  _ promise  _ that I’ll be here every step of the way.”

Finn’s voice shakes the smallest amount as he replies. “Okay, Poe Dameron,” he presses a quick kiss to Poe’s lips, “Then once I’m healed I’m going to train--as a Resistance soldier, as a Jedi--and then you’re going to teach me binary and how to fly.”

Oh, stars, the smile Poe gives him is blinding. “You’re going to be  _ amazing. _ ” He says it like it’s a universal truth--like some infallible thing written in the stars. “I’ll introduce you to all my friends and you’ll make your own. I’m going to show you and Rey all the food and music and books you’ve missed out on.” Poe’s thumbs brush along Finn’s cheekbones, causing goosebumps to spread along his skin. “Leia’s going to pick your brain about everything you know from before, but she’s going to care for you like you’re her own flesh and blood.” A firm kiss is pressed to Finn’s brow, and Poe speaks against his skin there. “I  _ swear _ I’ll do my best--my absolute _ best _ \--to come home to you every time I leave, and you’ll do the same.”

Finn’s already nodding his agreement and repeating the vow when something indisputable and clear settles into the back on his mind.

“We’re going to win this war,” Finn tells Poe, solemn and sure even as giddy joy and hope build inside him. He doesn’t know if it’s the Force that’s giving him this faith or if it’s the love he feels for Poe, but these are his universal truths: “We’re going to keep coming back to each other, we’re  _ going to win _ , and we’ll have peace. It won’t be easy, it won’t be pretty, but  _ trust me  _ when I say we’ll get our peace.”

Poe searches Finn’s eyes for only a moment before he replies earnestly. “I trust you.” 

He’s steady, unwavering, just stating another infallible fact: the stars are bright, the galaxy is immense, and Poe Dameron will always trust Finn Organa with his whole heart. 

Finn knows the feeling: the Force lives in all things, the horizon is infinite, and Poe Dameron is the brightest thing in Finn Organa’s universe.

“Good,” he says with a grin, “So, we’re doing this?”

Sunshine floods the room, filling every atom in Finn’s body with light and as Poe kisses him soundly. 

“Yeah, buddy,” he laughs, “We’re doing this.”

 

 

 

 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ shitfuckgoddamnhell


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